We were in class the other day, and the lecturer gave us a scenario to use to interview each other with, in order to practise our counselling skills. The scenario was this: Ask the other person how they hang out the washing. Now it may seem that that is a strange thing to counsel someone about, but as we were doing this with each other, we noticed extraordinary things. Like for instance, how rare it is in everyday life for someone to really be interested in the minute and mundane details of your life, like how you hang out your washing. It felt amazing to be interviewed on this topic and get to share. This simple invitation to talk about our routine tasks made each of us feel very loved, and our bonds deepened.
Another interesting thing we noticed was how many different ways there are to do something as simple as hang out the washing. Everybody had a different technique, along with a host of deeply ingrained reasons for why they did it that way. As I was talking, I even noticed that I felt a deep sense of shame about how I did the washing, which had its origins in something else completely.
My point is this: people love having attention, time and love paid to them, especially when they have done nothing to deserve it. Asking someone to share some part of their life with you is often one of the most simple ways to cultivate this. And yet most of the time, most of us, forget to do this. I wonder if this is because we think some topics are off-limits, or too boring to talk about? Or maybe because we don't imagine that there are so many interesting, different ways to do things like hang out the washing.
What simple thing could you ask someone about today to deepen your relationship?
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